squidbillies quote pg2
Early: Go on take them damn blinders off.
Rusty: Oh, OH MY GOD!
Early: That's right!, Its all Cuyler land, stretching from diarrhea creek over yonder right chere ot this here skeleton.
Lil: Big damn deal, you bought a hog farm.
Early: (shoots a hog) Unu, this heres a damn huntin camp, for hunters. Hot damn its the only place in the region where you can stock, & kill, cut, gut, & dress your own damn ham.
Rusty: How much did you pay for this?
Early: 37 dollar and 50 cent
Granny: What!? Lil: You got your head in your ass
Rusty: That sounds like a lot now, how we goin eat
Lil: smells like it. Rusty: What we go do we ain't go no damn money.
Early: Woh, woh, woh. calm down now damnit. I done worked it out.
Rusty: Bu but thats a lot of money ain't!?
Early: Hell yeah, I mean if I had it all gathered together here in a garbage bag, you'd think I was Travis Trit strutin my fine ass on down to Florida. But you see son usery allows the little man have that what he desires.
Sheriff: "Come on Earlie, we are going to be late for chuch."
Early: "awwhh hell, it's sundy all every? Damn don't time fly when you drunk as hell." now lets
GET-IT-ON!"
Sheriff: "Good lord, are you wearing that to chuch Earlie?"
Early: "Listen here boy, the lord made everything, so he must ah made this here hat. Ain't that right granny?"
Granny: "noo. I won that flashing my tetas down in pc beach!"
Early: "And god made pc beach didn't he!?"
Granny: "Hol! He sure did."
Early: "Yes he did! God is gooder than hell!"
Sheriff: "Right, uh, if yall down mind uhh, I going to sat a few pews away this week."
Early: "What did I tell you about drinking underneath the age, huh?"
Rusty: "You said if I could afford to bring back enough for you then you don't care what I do. And it's my body and I can kill it however I want to. And America's about freedom."
Krystal: How is your daddy?
Rusty: Oh, he's good, he's good. Just got out of prison not too long ago.
Krystal: No I'm sorry, Who. I mean who's your daddy?
Rusty: Uh, Early Cuyler.
Krystal: Tall guy?
Rusty: No.
Krystal: Big belly?
Rusty: No.
Krystal: Red hair?
Rusty: Not the one.
Krystal: Kinda looks like Charlie Sheen?
Rusty: Not him neither.
Krystal: Or is Charlie Sheen?
Rusty: No, not Charlie Sheen.
Krystal: Is he a football team?
Rusty: Nope.
Krystal: Is he the groundskeeping crew for the football team?
Rusty: No.
Krystal: Are you sure it's not Charlie Sheen?
Rusty: No Mama!
Early: "Godalmighty, we ask you to bless this feast that lie before us, and please allow these spent lottery tickets with their silvery scratchery seasonings to nurish our bodys as they were unable to do the same to our wallets. Lord thankya for the untimely frost you sent what claimed our pointless bananer orchards. oh I was a fool to plan bananers on a mountain, you made sure of that.
In short, thankya for nuthin."
Early: "How bout I shove a stick up yur ass, and call you a boysicle. How you like that mess?"
Early: "Son, there's every chance in the world I was drunk when I said that."