squidbillies quote pg2
Early: Go on take them damn blinders off.
Rusty: Oh, OH MY GOD!
Early: That's right!, Its all Cuyler land, stretching from diarrhea creek over yonder right chere ot this here skeleton.
Lil: Big damn deal, you bought a hog farm.
Early: (shoots a hog) Unu, this heres a damn huntin camp, for hunters. Hot damn its the only place in the region where you can stock, & kill, cut, gut, & dress your own damn ham.
Rusty: How much did you pay for this?
Early: 37 dollar and 50 cent
Granny: What!? Lil: You got your head in your ass
Rusty: That sounds like a lot now, how we goin eat
Lil: smells like it. Rusty: What we go do we ain't go no damn money.
Early: Woh, woh, woh. calm down now damnit. I done worked it out.
Rusty: Bu but thats a lot of money ain't!?
Early: Hell yeah, I mean if I had it all gathered together here in a garbage bag, you'd think I was Travis Trit strutin my fine ass on down to Florida. But you see son usery allows the little man have that what he desires.
Sheriff: "Come on Earlie, we are going to be late for chuch."
Early: "awwhh hell, it's sundy all every? Damn don't time fly when you drunk as hell." now lets
Sheriff: "Good lord, are you wearing that to chuch Earlie?"
Early: "Listen here boy, the lord made everything, so he must ah made this here hat. Ain't that right granny?"
Granny: "noo. I won that flashing my tetas down in pc beach!"
Early: "And god made pc beach didn't he!?"
Granny: "Hol! He sure did."
Early: "Yes he did! God is gooder than hell!"
Sheriff: "Right, uh, if yall down mind uhh, I going to sat a few pews away this week."
Sheriff: Oh one other thing Earlie. Your boy needs to be in school.
Early: School? Ain't dat da damn place where they got all dem uhh lets see, whatcha call um uhh? Fold outs covered in scriblins wrote up all over.
Early: uhh? Books?
Early: uh-uh, uh-uh, No they square like a magazine.
Sheriff: Books Earlie.
Early: Noo not not that, but something like that, I wanna say boooooo...
Sheriff: "You passed, boy!"
Rusty: "I did? I did! Hell, yeah! I'm a high school congraduate."
Early: "Graduations, Rusty."
Rusty: "Ain't nuthin gonna stop me now but my innate inabilitree to progress cognatious thunk."
Narrarator: Early's tenure as CEO of Dan Halen International had not been long, but it had been distinguished. By drunkenness, hair-trigger violence, and a total lack of performance. I would call it a steady decline in performance, but that would imply that he performed at one point in time. In fact he had not. He was drunk.
Rusty: "Hey daddy how do I do a breast self exam?"
Early: "Mens don't do that rusty. and mens don't lay no sisified eggs out of their but glands neither."
Rusy: "What we doin up here?"
Early: "We going to debitchulate you boy. Make a man of you. Now put on your camo, cause yo got to blend in with nature."
Rust: "But,But This is orange"
Early: "No,no Tangerine boy. You see thoughs deers is going to think this aint nothin but a common Georgia fruit tree. We just two big friendly deadly deadly honeydews!"
Rusty: "But,but daddy"
Early: "Unuh, fruit don't talk. fruit just listens...and waits. Look over yander. (points to cake in woods)"
Rusty: "WELL HOT DAMN! Is that lemon Flavored?"
Early: "Shhh chocholate. Once them deers smell that birthday cake them sombitches will come a running."
Early: "Any minute now......"
Early: "The hunt is (Yawning) on......."
Early: "I do napprecinate the generous offer, but knifery is the tool of an idiot. I listen to my gut and my gut tells me that this ain't a fit, but my heart says this could work and guts a damn moron, so they get to carring on and then my brian chimes in and saying I got to try my hand at the fast second pace world of adult literture."
Sheriff: "Early you sure you don't want to sleepy on it? This is a 4 figure opportunity."
Early: "You want to sleep forever? I said Adult Literture."
Early: "What did I tell you about drinking underneath the age, huh?"
Rusty: "You said if I could afford to bring back enough for you then you don't care what I do. And it's my body and I can kill it however I want to. And America's about freedom."
Krystal: How is your daddy?
Rusty: Oh, he's good, he's good. Just got out of prison not too long ago.
Krystal: No I'm sorry, Who. I mean who's your daddy?
Rusty: Uh, Early Cuyler.
Krystal: Tall guy?
Krystal: Big belly?
Krystal: Red hair?
Rusty: Not the one.
Krystal: Kinda looks like Charlie Sheen?
Rusty: Not him neither.
Krystal: Or is Charlie Sheen?
Rusty: No, not Charlie Sheen.
Krystal: Is he a football team?
Krystal: Is he the groundskeeping crew for the football team?
Krystal: Are you sure it's not Charlie Sheen?
Rusty: No Mama!
Early: "Godalmighty, we ask you to bless this feast that lie before us, and please allow these spent lottery tickets with their silvery scratchery seasonings to nurish our bodys as they were unable to do the same to our wallets. Lord thankya for the untimely frost you sent what claimed our pointless bananer orchards. oh I was a fool to plan bananers on a mountain, you made sure of that.
In short, thankya for nuthin."
Early: "She was my dream, my muse. A vision suitable for the wide-screen format. I can still taste her fist against my face. The sweet sugary sweat from a lifetime of diabetes. A heartbeat you could hear from six blocks away. One big pump every hour."
Early: "Allow me to explain the contamination process.
Pine cones go in here, party liquors comes out here
and proceed to here (mouth).
Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost,
bail is made, court dates ignored, cycle is repeated."